Lead Pipe in the Library
What’s on the box? we used to say, reaching for the Radio Times. How to put it now... What’s on the rectangle?
I rarely watch it nowadays. I sit in front of it pressing Continue Watching and Next Episode. About 30% of TV drama is detective series, and I know how they work. I look at the opening sequence (until the body is found) then fast forward to the big reveal at the end.
Some tips for budding scriptwriters:
A winner TV detective needs a troubled past, usually involving the death of a partner or parent. Hostile colleagues are always good value. An eccentric pathologist is a must.
A clever character needs to be socially inept or charming. If they're inept, find a Watson to steer them. If they're charming it’s to mask inner turmoil.
Pick a distinctive location. Better be quick though, the best ones are taken. Oxford, Bristol, Bath, Brighton, Manchester, Newcastle, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen – all spoken for. Midsomer Murders has the Cotswolds sewn up. Can’t use Cardiff, that’s Dr Who country. Locations with a lot of granite make for moody title sequences (sorry, Shetland’s taken).
It helps exposition if the cop is new in town, preferably in disgrace from the Met. It also provides opportunities for romantic sub-plots. If she/he is a single parent, so much the better: the child can be bullied/fall in with a bad crowd/resent moving from the big city. Until they’re kidnapped.
It’s fashionable at the moment for protagonists to talk to dead people, but that may turn out to be a passing fad.
Pro tip: If you're trying to figure out whodunnit, look at the cast list. A good actor without much dialogue will have plenty to say in the final scene. Spoiler alert.
